Too often, relationships fail due to a lack of communication or too much miscommunication. That’s why, when it comes to the success of your relationship, expressing your needs is crucial.

Many couples know that expressing your needs in a relationship is key to long-term success. However, knowing how to express them – or how to even begin the conversation – can feel a little overwhelming. We’ve got you covered.

Here are five tips to remember when expressing your needs in a relationship:

• Take Stock: Before sitting down to discuss your needs with your partner, it’s important to first sit down with yourself. Take some time to truly understand how you are currently feeling in your relationship, and consider what is going well and what you would like to work on with your partner. This will help you stay on track and have a more productive conversation.

• Timing Is Everything: Timing plays a crucial role in expressing your needs successfully. Choosing to express your needs in the middle of a fight or when your partner is frustrated or busy with another task will decrease your chances of being heard and received gracefully.
  
  To avoid this, let your partner know in advance that you would like to find some time to talk with them about something important. This will help you both find an appropriate time to chat, and can help your partner to not feel ambushed. Instead, they can have some time to mentally and emotionally prepare for the conversation.

• Use “I” Statements: Often, couples begin fighting during their conversation time instead of talking about and resolving what’s bothering them. This is because many people are in the habit of using “you” statements instead of “I” statements. By using “you” statements, it can sound like you are placing blame on your partner, and they can start to feel attacked. Instead, try talking about your concerns from your perspective, feelings and experiences. Here is an example:

• • “You” Statement: “You are always late to our dates.”
  • “I” Statement: “I feel disrespected when I’m picked up 30 minutes past our scheduled meeting time. It makes me feel unappreciated.”

• Remember The Good: Hearing only the negative can be incredibly discouraging and may cause your partner to feel attacked or shut down during the conversation. While it’s important for both parties to express their needs, it’s equally important to take time to highlight what’s going well in the relationship. This could include anything from “I appreciate when you warm up my car in the morning” to “I love how you are always willing to hear me out when something is on my mind.” By letting your partner know what you value in your relationship, you help them feel seen and appreciated.

• Practice Active Listening: After voicing your concerns, be sure to give your partner the time to process and express how they are feeling as well. During this time, give them your full attention and let them speak without interrupting them or disagreeing with what they have to say. Empathize with them and reflect back what you’ve heard to show that you were listening to what they were saying. You may not fully agree with them, and they may not have fully agreed with you. Try to keep an open perspective during the conversation so that both you and your partner feel heard and understood.

These are just a few ways you can practice expressing your needs in a relationship. Remember, no relationship is perfect — there will be fights, disagreements and bumps along the way. As your relationship evolves, so will your needs. The key to maintaining a healthy relationship is consistently checking in with one another to see how things are going.

For more information about expressing your needs in a relationship from the team at So Far In Life, please contact us here.